THOUGHTS - "Through the valley of
the shadow of death"
November
18, 2003
Dear
Friends,
What a month it has been! So many ups and downs
and ups again that I hardly know where to start.
The third week of October found me in Reading,PA
a land flowing with the milk and honey of opportunity.
I had the privilege of competing in Skate America
which was my first Grand Prix event in three years.
I had the highest of hopes and I wanted every
tick and tack to go just right. That unrealistic
expectation practically heralded the evil villain
of our tale, the infamous "Struggle"
to reveal its ugly head. (And the audience says,
"BOOOOOO".) Practices went fairly well
and there were no major attacks from the devious
cohorts of our villain, otherwise know as "Injuries"
(And the audience says, "BOOOOOO",)
that our faithful hero could not manage with one
hand behind his back... I had some difficulty
with the quality of my program run-throughs and
overall was feeling slightly unsettled... But
never fear, our trusted companion the "Recipe"
for skating well (And the audience erupts in a
thunderous cheer!) was there to provide comfort...
You see, I discovered a few key things last season
that if I do them, I tend to skate well. For example,
being at the right arousal level and not too anxious,
joking and being in a good mood, and saying my
cue words for every element. I thought it was
a sure thing... So our hero went out for his first
battle with the Earl of Short Program well supported
by his friend the "Recipe" ( Audience:
Yeahhhhhhhhh!) ..... Within thirty seconds of
the opening of my program a fluky thing happened
on my triple axel. It felt as though the front
of my blade fell into a pick hole and I didn't
even jump. It ended up being a waltz jump! Then
I'm thinking to myself, "Did that count as
a jump? Now what do I do?" "Nevermind,
keep going. Rely on the cues for the lutz combo."
Unfortunately, my infallible battle plan of triple
lutz-triple toe turned into a shaky triple lutz-
double toe. An inkling of tension settled in and
it was downhill from there. Well, literally down
on the triple flip! After this skate I was feeling
disappointed and wanted to figure out what happened.
I think I must have decided at this point that
my previously faithful companion the "Recipe"
("Yeahhhh") didn't support me very well
("Boooooo") so I told him to go back
to the farm. Actually, that's not completely true.
I realized that Sir "Recipe" couldn't
bear the weight of battle by his royal self...
My cues, which are part of the recipe, had become
just words in my head, spoken by rote. In contrast,
I need to feel them in my body and not merely
say them mentally for them to be successful. I
became aware that following my competition recipe
does not guarantee success. It only sets the stage.
There was some other player in the game and I
wasn't completely sure who it was. I also noticed
after the mistake on the axel that I became too
tense and locked up. So for my battle at sundown
the next day with the Duke of Long Program, I
decided to stay relaxed no matter what. I was
going to enjoy it and just skate the way I was
training. Sounds great doesn't it? ( Foreshadowing
has always been my favorite literary skill :-)
Also, several people told me in essence,"Just
skate well this time" or "why do you
always land your jumps in practice but constantly
struggle in competition?"... Because our
faithful hero was not guarding his mental estate
well enough, these comments allowed "Doubts"
(Booooooo), the spies of the enemy, to infiltrated
the castle... The next day I felt prepared to
skate and had an incredible practice. Nevertheless,
by night's end I was knocked on my back on the
battlefield, laying on the ground wounded in more
than one place.
The following twenty-four hour period was not
one I would like to relive. It took about that
long to grieve, get some sense of control back,
and create the desire to mount the horse and ride
another day. In fact, my time to regroup was going
to be short.... Our faithful hero was assigned
to travel to the far off land of Canadalot to
engage his skills once again. Through the wisdom
of several trusted advisors, weaknesses in the
battle plan were recognized and reinforced....For
example, it was unrealistic for me to expect perfection
in my skating if that hasn't been happening at
home. In fact, I recognized perfectionism for
what it is... a curse! I would unconsciously let
jumps go if they weren't right on the bulls-eye.
The stress of needing
to do them perfectly interfered in my body's ability
to make it happen.
For a while I wasn't sure if I wasn't trusting
my jumps or if they weren't at the place that
I could trust them. If that doesn't mess with
someone I don't know what does. Now back to the
tale....Our hero essentially stopped trusting
Sir "Recipe" after the conflict with
the Earl of Short Program and that was a grave
mistake. Through the wise counsel he received
he was delivered from the Curse of Perfectionism
and was reintroduced to an old acquaintance, "Lord
Mindset" (Audience: Yeahhhhhhh!) Lord Mindset
brought trust in the process back to the team
and eliminated unneeded stress on Sir Recipe.
On his shield was the inscription, "Concentrate
on what you are doing, and that will take you
where you want to go." So our three mighty
men fought side by side in Canadalot and surpassed
every challenge. Their battle wasn't fought perfectly,
but it was victorious! (Extended applause by the
audience......)
Thank you for putting up with my prose :-) Sorry
if I confused anyone. I can't write normal updates;
they're too boring. Well, I bet I could if I really
tried. I figure all you long-suffering supporters
deserve a good letter since you don't hear from
me for several months at a time
:-) Skate Canada was an incredible experience
that brought elation and relief. Besides minor
mistakes, I skated two clean programs. What's
up with ABC not playing my long program? Speaking
of my long program, the new "objective"
judging system didn't live up to it's name during
that event. I am one who almost never complains
about judging. I figure that if you don't put
it all out there, you have no reason to complain.
But I felt robbed with my marks in the long. Judges
were putting skaters where they wanted them with
the skating components marks. I don't want you
to think that I am totally against the new system.
Only that the problem is the people, not the system
being used. Other highlights of the trip: Watching
two action movies I missed in the theaters, being
accosted by a distraught drunk woman who I was
trying to help at about 2:00am on a sidewalk in
Reading after my long program, meeting two new
friends in Reading who helped me get back on my
feet, finding a great vegan restaurant in Toronto,
having my dad with me at Skate Canada for the
last two days, and connecting with friends who
came to support me at both competitions.
This Thursday I leave for Cleveland to skate in
the Scott Hamilton CARES Benefit show that raises
money for Scott's cancer foundation. I was excited
about it already and then I heard Aretha Franklin,
the Queen of Soul herself, will be singing live.
I will be able to skate to about a minute of "Chain
of Fools!" I'll also be skating with one
of my mentors, Paul Wylie. In addition, I'll be
able to see me parents who live in Detroit. We
won't be connecting for Christmas so this
will be great fun.
December will bring me back to Toronto for a holiday
show in which I'll skate a new number I'm choreographing
to an a capella version of the "Lord's Prayer."
When I return it is pure training for Nationals!
I feel that if I concentrate on the training that
I need to do between now and then I will be well
prepared. I want to be back on that World Team!
Most of you probably won't hear from me until
after the new year so be assured I haven't been
kidnapped by the mountain bears again.
God
bless you all,
Ryan
Return
to Thoughts Index
