Falls Church News-Press: Girl: “Hi ma’am can I take your order?”

Inner Monolog: Yes, but first of all, despite my mink coat, oversized black sunglasses, tight pants and four days worth of facial stubble, I am a sir.

Me: Awkward laugh Yes, I’d like an iced tea with raw sugar, a cup of chicken soup and could you explain to me, what’s in the “Sensational Salad”?

Girl: “Ummm…I don’t really know, (insert classic girl giggle here. That giggle that would be endearing to future sexual partners but conveys to girls and gays that you are in fact, an idiot) I don’t really eat that. I eat the chicken sandwiches. They’re all pretty good. You want one’a those?

Inner Monolog: Are you stoned?

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