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Click here to read Johnny's 2009 Worlds blog for Zuca

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Title: Whirlwind
 

Hello everyone. Thank you for visiting my website and for reading my latest journal entry. I haven't written in quite some time because I have been waiting for inspiration and it came today as I was watching "Notes on a Scandal". It is also quite ominous to write down the trials and tribulations of my past few months. I have been very busy and I hope I don't forget anything in this entry.

Following the U.S. Championships disaster in Cleveland in January, I have really had to pick myself up. Immediately after the event I didn't know what to do with myself. I realized something very special in this time though; friends and family are two of the most important things in my life in happiness and sorrow. Not two days after my return, my best friend Christa visited from her recent tribulations at the European Championships to make sure I was alright and to make sure I wasn't dwelling, a week or so later my dear friend Michela flew over from Italy to take care of me, and through the visits and cuddles I received barrages of e-mails and phone calls from friends all over the world, not to mention many messages and cards from my fans. I was so low, and almost to the point of no return, and these people in my life in whatever capacity, just wanted to help me. It is something I will never take for granted again in this life. So of course, I need to express a very heart felt thank you to everyone who helped me get back on the wagon so to speak.

After the competition, I really didn't know what I wanted to do. It had been a disaster on all fronts. I was left off the podium and the World team for the first time since 2003. I had skated terribly. I was so disinterested in my sport and craft. I didn't want to see an ice rink ever again. Worst of all, I felt indifferent to what I was trying to accomplish. There are days when one hates ones own life and choices, but hate is still a form of love, the ultimate betrayal is to be indifferent. I didn't know what I should do to pick myself up. I would go into the rink to skate and leave in tears, I would eat everything I saw in front of me. I was completely and hopelessly falling into an abyss. It took a lot for me personally to swallow my pride and get on with my life. I was so damaged from my failure I suppose that I wasn't seeing anything in the "big picture".

In late February I was invited by V Man magazine to perform at their party for New York Fashion Week. They were having a theme of ice skating and cocktails and I was to be the entertainment. It was the first instance when I was excited for something in a long time. I told Galina Yakovlevna that I was invited and we decided I'd skate to "Feeling Good" because it was a party atmosphere. After a few days of training that program, and just two days before the show, V Man called and said they would like me to skate to "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce. Hmmm…"All the Single Ladies," NO. I decided I couldn't do that to myself, and I can't dance as well as Beyonce, so I came back at the magazine with other suggestions including "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse, "Keeps Gettin' Better" by Christina Aguilera and "Poker Face" by the magnificent Lady Gaga. V Man contacted me again and said "Poker Face" without questions. Great, two days to get a program ready in a style I don't usually skate in, teach Galina what exactly a Lady Gaga is, pull a costume together and get diva enough to skate to Lady Gaga. No problem.

Nina Petrenko came in all day for two days helping me prepare the program and get ready. Christa flew in again to attend the party with me, Paris was modeling his outfits to get ready and it all happened very quickly. Before I knew it I was getting dressed by stylists at Chelsea Piers to do my meet and greet with the attendees and warming up to get my "Poker Face" on. So many fabulous people came out to party and Kanye West came in just as I was sitting into my opening pose and left as soon as I finished. The night was fantastic and the performance went over very well. Richie Rich stopped by, a bunch of fantastic photographers and models came, it was a beautiful audience. I had a fantastic time and at the end of the night, toasted with Paris and Christa for time well spent.

After the Fashion Week party, I started to get more interested in skating again. I think all I needed was a performance and some sparkle in my life. Not long after the show was the World Championship in Los Angeles. I was asked by NBC to comment on the ladies competition, and I thought why not? I'm not doing anything else right now. I flew out on the day of the men's free program. I was very happy that the US men secured three spots for our Olympic team. The next day I was in hair and makeup prepping for my TV spot. I was to share the booth with Scott Hamilton and Tom Hammond and just give my opinions about the ladies. I had a good time doing that and I got to watch some of the ladies competition, which was fantastic. I flew home as soon as I finished my job and was thankfully away from the skating environment.

I thought it was wonderful that NBC valued my opinion on the ladies and I hope in the future I can do some commentary for them. It was very stressful and upsetting to be there though because I always vowed to myself that while I'm amateur I would not attend an event I wasn't entered in. It is a bit depressing to have everyone look at you and say, "What are you doing here?" In any event, I did a good job and enjoyed my time in sunny LA. I was so proud of Yu-na Kim. She really was incredible. I watched her compete curled up on my couch biting my nails hoping she'd do well. I think the level of competition was very high in Los Angeles and I hope everyone can skate so well in the coming season.

The next stop for me after LA was Seoul, South Korea. I flew into Seoul a week before the show to partake in some special press opportunities, media and a fan meeting with my Korean fans called the Hyenaz. Immediately off the plane, and I was already feeling the love from Korea. People were waiting for me at the airport with hugs and flowers and I felt so good and so special. I was rushed right to my hotel, looked out at the city from my balcony at midnight and felt really happy. It had been some time since that had happened. Throughout the week I was involved in some really wonderful things including a photo shoot for my fashion line in Korea, "Be Unique," a fitting with top Korean designer Lie Sang Bong who made me a beautiful shirt and jacket with my photo silk screened onto them with a traditional Korean poem, a photo shoot with Vogue magazine, meetings and interviews with many members of Korean media, television, and government and of course my fan meeting.

I didn't know what to expect with my fan meeting. I thought it would be several fans I know, we would have a coffee and discuss current affairs. I definitely did not expect an opera house filled with over 200 fans (Hyenaz), a stage, a microphone and spotlights. I was told by my agent Tara before my departure to Seoul that I should practice my singing because in Korean tradition, celebrities sing at their fan meetings. I refer back to me thinking it would be a few people in a coffee house. The opening beats of "Ain't No Sunshine" come through a loud speaker, I walk out of the dark backstage area into a blinding spotlight, an eruption of applause ensues, and…"Oh God, am I really going to 'sing' right now?" Lets just say that I sing best in my car alone, or in the shower, I am not a natural born singer and have never had an intention to sing for more people than Paris singing along from his car seat in the back of my SUV. My voice didn't crack, that was the plus.

After the singing there were two hours of Johnny Weir quizzes and performances, and fan interviews, and fashion contests and things of that nature. The event amazes me still. The amount of work and effort it took to make it happen is awe-inspiring. People came from all over Korea for this meeting and I was so humbled by their presence, just to see me. I felt beyond special, my head grew about ten sizes, but my emotions got the best of me after it was all over. I was so touched I can say that I had no more than two tears for the Korean's hospitality. When I am in Korea, I feel really at home and it's because of my Hyenaz and people like them that I feel that way. There is so much love emoting from such a small country, I can't help but feel connected.

I left downtown Seoul a few days after the fan meeting to meet with the rest of the stars of "Festa On Ice" in a distant section of Seoul near the Gimpo Airport. Rehearsals started the day after I arrived there and it was great to see everyone and be back on the ice preparing for the show. I had vamped up my "Poker Face" program with some new choreography, a new costume and makeup and I'd also prepared a Korean language performance to a song by Sung si Kyung. The first show came about and the audience roared from start to finish. Figure skating is so popular and kind of new in South Korea that the shows turn into something like a rock concert. Everyone is screaming their brains out and so appreciative of every performance. For the three shows, the audience never took a break. The skaters felt that energy and that drive from the audience and the show turned out to be staggeringly wonderful. I can say that I was accepted very well. The audience enjoyed both of my programs but I think they loved "Poker Face" the most. I tried to skate my best for them and I think they could feel that energy radiating from me. I definitely was back, loving my job as a figure skater and I feel that skating and performing in Korea really inspired me again.

After the shows finished I stayed a few extra days in Seoul to do a few more media requests, get some work done with "Be Unique" and I had a date with US Ambassador to South Korea, Kathleen Stephens, who I met at the second show when she arrived with Lie Sang Bong to see our performances. On my final day in Seoul I was invited to the official residence of the ambassador in downtown Seoul for a sit down meeting with Ambassador Stephens. I was definitely under dressed for the occasion. I was wearing white jeans and a highlighter green hoodie thinking that the meeting would be somewhat casual. I walk into the beautiful, Korean style house and I'm greeted by seven diplomats with power suits and major coifs and asked if I'd like tea or coffee and please, "sit in THAT chair," the ambassador will be with us shortly. It was all very official, and I have to be honest, I was scared.

Ambassador Stephens came in and was as lovely as I'd remember from the show. I specifically had questions for her on how to become an ambassador through the US government, what I could do to help with Korean-American diplomacy and goodwill and if I worked for the government, would I need to have freshly shined shoes and a power suit. She spent an hour or so with me and was so helpful and so open to what I wanted to accomplish and she was very aware of my skating and my popularity in Korea and wanted to help in any way she could. I was very pleased with the meeting and I hope I can become a goodwill ambassador someday. Ambassador Stephens was a true lady. The day after our meeting, I sadly had to leave Seoul and return home. I definitely could have stayed for many more months if not years, but duty called. When I left Korea, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, I felt proud and I felt very alive, in essence, it was just what the doctor ordered.

After my trip to South Korea I was due for a short holiday in Moscow. I was supposed to leave the day after my return to America, but while I was gone my family moved me into a new apartment and when I saw the state of my home I had to cancel my trip just to stay home and organize my new apartment. I'm the type of person who can't go away unless I know my home is in order and the bills are paid and the carpet is vacuumed. I took my "vacation" in New Jersey this year. Christa came down to help me organize my boxes, clothes and shoes and keep me head in check, otherwise I'd freak out. My mom and dad came to help me hang curtains and pictures, change my shower heads and so on. My apartment is wonderful now, and I'm glad I got it finished. I think I'm so busy that if I'd just kept putting it off, I'd still be living in boxes when the competition season rolls around. While Christa was down I took her to Quarryville, PA (my home) to show her where I come from and no matter how many times I leave and go back, I still feel so at home amongst the buggies, cows and trees. There is no place like home.

After the success of "Poker Face" in Korea, the video showed up everywhere. Perez Hilton posted it on his site, many internet blogs and several newspapers were raving about it and I was so happy. It's been a while since something a figure skater does in the off season makes news in the real world. I'm happy I could bring some interest to the sport, even if it was due to some blue eye makeup and patent leather shoulder pads.

Shortly after my arrival in the States I was off to Los Angeles to take part in a US Olympic media summit. Many of the top athletes went to have photo shoots and interviews done, in hopes they will qualify for the Olympic Games. I had such a fun time out there. It is shocking I know, but I love photo shoots and doing interviews. I find it fun and I find I learn a lot about myself in doing press because it's me, performing a bunch of blah blah, about me. You can see yourself grow up as a person in the way you speak and I'm thankful that I'm able to see mistakes I've made and learn from them.

A short time after my trip to LA I prepared for my movie, "Pop Star on Ice" to go public. It has been such a long time coming for my movie, that I was so excited to have it out there for people to see. The first premiere was in Seattle, Washington. I wasn't able to attend due to training, but I was anxious to hear from my producers how it went. The reviews were great and people were really excited about it. Perez Hilton, once again put the trailer for the movie on his site and it helped garner a lot of interest in the film. I was gathering my troops to get together for the NYC premiere in June.

The NYC premiere went off without a hitch. I arrived in my new Lie Sang Bong creation, jumping out of a Bentley with my mama, Paris, my Aunt Diane, and many more of my friends. Nina and Viktor Petrenko came with Vika, their daughter so it really was a family oriented event. I was so nervous to actually be at my film and hear people's reactions to what was going on on the screen. The audience was sold out and amazing. They laughed and cried and at the end they clapped. I was so relieved. I'd seen the movie before and liked it very much, but I am me, so to have a general audience be interested in it, it was a magnificent moment.

After the showing I went to the Logo party at the Promenade and met some of my friends and fans from the film and then I went to another after party at NYC club, the Pink Elephant. I had a very cool VIP section and all my closest friends and family were there. It was a beautiful, beautiful night and I had so much fun. I am so happy for my producers that the premieres are going well. Sundance is also very pleased with the progress of the film, and we have an absolute green light for my reality series to be on Sundance channel this coming winter. I am thrilled.

The morning after my big premiere I was on a plane to Colorado Springs to Champs Camp. I have never been a big fan of team meetings and team building and lectures, but I was happy to see some people who I hadn't seen in a long time. I learned how to fence while I was in Colorado and I can say that I am happy I am a figure skater and not a fencer. It is very difficult and I kept losing because I am not such an aggressive person for the most part. I kept wanting to shield my face instead of going in for the kill. Evan Bates went diva on me and killed me. In general, I don't learn a lot from Champs Camp because I have been in the sport a long time and at a high level for a long time, but I think Champs Camp is a good thing for the up and coming athletes who are our next generation and who have the brain capacity to learn. I have a hard time sitting through lectures while I'm doodling costumes in my binder or considering the autumn colors for the Balenciaga collection. I am not the best team player I suppose, but I think its noble that the federation is trying to get the team together and do something special for it's elite fighting squad.

I left Colorado immediately for Toronto, Canada, to work on my new short program with Diva David Wilson. I met David a couple years ago and I have admired his work for a long time. This year I felt it would be a good fit for me to work with David because I think he understands the judging system very well and because he has so many fantastic ideas in his head. I asked him while we were together in Seoul if he would be interested in helping me and all he did was stand up for a big hug and said of course. I was so happy because I know how busy he is and how much time it takes to choreograph two programs for an elite athlete. David is my friend first and foremost and I really like working with my friends on choreography because I find they know me better than anyone, and they know how to get inside my head and pull something out of my heart.

David and I finished the short program in two days and did finishing touches for a few after that. The short will really shock people in that it's very me but at the same time, it's a side of me I don't portray or use often. The music is very sexual, especially at the end. I will go back to David in two weeks time to create my Olympic long program which will have a theme of "Fallen Angel" and will be a collection of several different musical selections. I am so excited with the work we've already completed together and what is to come.

In just a few days I will leave for Japan to perform in Ice Jewelry in Kanazwa. I will perform "Poker Face" as well as a new program set to a live version of "Hymne a L'Amour" by Edith Piaf but performed by Maxime Rodriguez. I am very excited to get back out on the ice and get my "Poker Face" on. I love the music and program so much that it is now in my every day life somehow. Galina Yakovlevna even shakes her booty when the song comes on.

I have a very busy summer coming up with shows and choreography and meetings and training and pilates and off ice conditioning and so on. I am looking forward to it. I am going to give this skating thing my all. I want to be the champion of everything I enter, as always, but there is a new fire burning inside me now. When I fail, I don't take it lightly and I want to do everything in my power to fix it. Right now, I am not thinking negatively or about failure, I am looking ahead and right now, the only way to fail is to fail to do everything to be prepared and to be the best. All through my apartment I have the small phrase written everywhere, "Ya Mogu" which means "I can." I can do it all and the only person stopping me, is myself.

I am looking forward to seeing everyone this summer wherever we may meet up. I hope you can all stay out of the heat, and enjoy your lives to the fullest. My hope for you all is to find inspiration in the smallest parts of your lives and run with them. Never let your brains go idle, keep pushing and keep on fighting. That's all for now. I hope you've enjoyed this entry and I look forward to writing more for you.

With love and respect,

-Johnny

P.S. Please visit the Pop Star on Ice Web site to find a local premiere near you. I hope you can all get out and see it.